Sex, Drugs And Baby Boomers

I am a Baby Boomer, a member of the generation who said we would never grow old. With all the anti-ageing tricks available - hair coloring, face lifting, tummy tucks, hair implants, breast implants – you can go on fooling yourself for a long time. But if you happen to catch The Who performing at Super Bowl half-time, you just might run to the nearest mirror and wonder: Do I look as old as they do?

The pharmaceutical companies have us duped into believing that we can turn back the clock and feel like we did when we were 30. They advertise pills that can cure anything from an overactive bladder to erectile dysfunction (conditions that our parents might only whisper about behind doctors’ closed doors). Now we are bombarded with TV commercials showing two sexually satiated giddy 50-ish people dancing, golfing and soaking in hot tubs, while a high-speed garbled voice-over lists the possible side effects from dry mouth to death.

With the development of Viagra came a plethora of drugs for sexual enhancement for those of us who are at that age when our mind has enough spark to jolt the engine but not enough to get the pistons to rise to the occasion.

One sex drug promises that if you take their pill once a day, “you can be ready anytime the moment is right.” But, it also warns, if you get chest pain, dizziness or nausea during sex you should get medical help right away. Bummer! You might also get a headache and an upset stomach, ringing in the ears and loss of vision. Can you hear me now??? And here is the kicker… In rare events, you might have an erection for more than four hours. Now, I wonder, what would my husband do with that problem all night after I’ve rolled over and nodded off to sleep?

I say, instead of spending millions of dollars in research and development for more powerful sex enhancing drugs, for a generation of old farts who’ve already had their heyday, why don’t the pharmaceutical companies develop a medication that can cure a sinus infection without giving you diarrhea for a month?

We had our time, when hormones ran wild and our bodies were virile and sexy, and love and lust were blended into one emotion. There is one reason alone that nature made us such horny beasts between the ages of 18 and 45, and that is to procreate. Once we’ve done that, in the eyes of mother nature, we’ve used up our usefulness in the great Mandala of life. Because we are living longer, we think that we should continue to behave like young people, but I’m telling you, don’t believe the hype; 50 is not the new 30, no matter what little pill you take.

By now most of us Baby Boomers are already ushering in a new generation of grandchildren. Remember learning the facts of life and imagining your parents doing it? That was bad enough. Do the poor kids today have to look at grandma and grandpa with the same creepy thought?

Forget those sexual enhancement drugs that can kill you with a severe drop in blood pressure and heart attacks. Who wants to go blind and lose their hearing before their time? Besides, most of the women I know over 50 would much rather see their partner reach into their tool box and pull out a screwdriver or a hammer. And if you’ve got four hours to kill in the middle of the night, and you need a little action, you can quietly paint the ceilings.