The Coffee Party

Someone should tell the new Tea Party members that coffee is the preferred beverage in America. A National Coffee Association survey done in the year 2000 found that more than half of the adult population of the United States drinks coffee daily, and 25% of Americans drink coffee occasionally. That leaves very few tea drinkers – a minority, to be sure. Phew! Well, that makes me feel better about things.

Reading the New York Times Week in Review section this weekend, an article by Benedict Carey, Mad as Hell. And…Then What? had me on the edge of my seat. This new Tea Party seems bent on creating havoc and violence in our country, but we, in the Coffee Party, far outnumber them, so no matter how loud they scream, we can surely drown them out by our numbers alone.

We, in the Coffee Party, know that tea just doesn’t cut it when you need to wake up in the morning and perform at your best. You can spot a tea drinker a mile away. They are the dreamy eyed sleep-walkers who block your way on the steps leading down to the subway platform. They are the poky drivers who plant themselves in the left lane. They are the slurred talkers, the pasty-faced bank tellers, the slow-as-molasses cashiers, the dopey faced waitress who never smiles and always gets your order wrong. You know them; you’ve seen them, worked beside them.

Some days, the smell of coffee is the only thing that makes my body rise up from the mattress and walk down the stairs. I take a thermos to work with me – just in case there is no coffee pot on the job. I even ask if there will be coffee served before I commit to attend a late night meeting. My son says I’m no different from a drug addict. I tell him, “So be it.”

When my son’s freshman college average was teetering on the borderline of losing his scholarship, my husband gave him a serious lecture about time management, priorities and hard work. I simply told him, “Try drinking some coffee now and then.”

Offer your surly boss a cup of coffee some time and watch the transformation from animal to gentle-human. And think about this…If a cute guy asks, "Would you like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime?" who wouldn't say, "yes!"? If, instead, he asked: "Would you like to go out for a cup of tea sometime?" tell the truth, now - you would be thinking, Is he straight? Is he weird?

Coffee is embedded in our culture. It is as American as apple pie. There is a reason the original Tea Party tossed all that tea overboard. Once they had a taste of coffee, they knew there was no going back to King George's rule or his sissy drink.

So what am I worried about? Let the new Tea Party scream all they want. Most of them are over 50, anyway, and will be in bed by 9:30. Tea just doesn't have the staying power that coffee does. Coffee rules.